


2/5 good spies

by thisprentiss



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Multi, i thot sloane sounded like a good villain name i dont know who she is she's just. out there, im that pic of eric andre what if it was purple except what if vision looked like helen cho, infinity war who im afraid im not familiar with her work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 04:59:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16319591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisprentiss/pseuds/thisprentiss
Summary: scott and vision are paired together during a mission, and they learn a little about each other





	2/5 good spies

**Author's Note:**

> sup i thot i should post this bc its been in my drafts for like 20394 years. ABSOLUTELY not infinity war compliant! infinity war??? civil war??? im afraid im not familiar with her work
> 
> i have a headcanon that vision can take more than one human form, and the one that doesn't look like paul bettany looks like helen cho. also they're nb. so thats what is happening! im just here to have a good time because im gay
> 
> it gets a little shitposty in here, but we all like to have fun. anyway yee, and i can't stress this enough, haw

Vision was solidly _THE_ last Avenger Scott wanted to be sitting next to on an undercover double-decker bus tour of Paris.

Not that he really wanted to be on an undercover double-decker bus tour of Paris in the first place, but apparently the title of 'Avenger' comes with a lot of stealth operations and not just airport fights where you bust out the big guns right away. And Scott _gets it_ , you can't always be fifty feet tall kicking planes around or launching yourself ass-first into the Quantum realm, but still-

No one on this team has _ever_ come up with a good disguise. The hats and sunglasses just make them look like themselves wearing hats and sunglasses. Douchebag versions of themselves.

The only one Scott didn't recognize also happened to be his seat partner for the day, probably solely because they didn't know each other very well. Vision didn't look like they normally did - magenta and green and low-key terrifying - or like they did when they were trying to blend in - blonde and lanky. Instead, they had short black hair and a round face, with almond slice eyes that sat behind a pair of purple aviator sunglasses with the name _K._ _Bishop_ engraved pretentiously in the side.

Scott probably wouldn't have believed Cap when he said it was them if they hadn't still stood a good five inches above Scott and spoken in the same low, British accent they always had.

Twenty minutes into the bus tour, neither had said a word to each other.

And they hadn't heard from Cap or Wanda from patrol yet, or Clint from his vantage point at the Eifel Tower, or Nat from her week-long undercover position, which meant they were stuck sitting on the damn bus until someone commed in on the earpieces.

Scott shifted awkwardly, suddenly realizing he was using both the armrests and forcing Vision to have their hands folded in their lap. "I... uh. I like your glasses."

"Thank you. I'm borrowing them from Agent Barton. A friend of his apparently left them at his house."

"Right, cool." Scott swallowed and bounced his leg, letting the silence linger for a little longer than he probably should have in a normal conversation. "So- uh... you're the robot- or- the android, right?"

"The proper term is _synthesoid._ "

He kicked himself inwardly. "Right- sorry. You're the synthesoid _._ "

"I'd advise not saying that quite so loud. We're undercover." Vision hadn't turned their head away from where they gazed out at the city. Scott kicked himself again, swearing loudly in his mind.

"Sorry..." he muttered, then took a deep breath to gather his courage back up. _Who knew talking to a robot coworker would be so fucking stressful? You can do this, Scotty._

" _Keep it casual up there, but not too casual. We've been through this_ ," Cap said into their earpieces. Vision made a soft _hm_ sound under their breath.

"So how long have you been able to do..." he waved a finger around, "All this?"

"Are you referring to my current form?" it sounded more like a statement than a question.

"Yeah, like- last time I saw you, you were more-"

"Creepy," Vision finished for him, and if Scott hadn't known any better, he'd say there was a flicker of anxiety in their eyes, "Unsettling? Yes. I've been told."

"No, whoa, that's not what I meant!"

"Really? What _did_ you mean, then?"

" _Vizh, calm down..._ " Wanda muttered over the channel.

" _Blonde!_ You were more blonde," Scott gritted his teeth nervously when Vision didn't respond, jaw clenched so tight he was pretty sure it was going to break, "Last time I saw you was at HQ. You were- uh- not Christmas colors, you were a weirdly handsome blonde guy."

"I'm not a 'guy' in any of my forms." There were several cringing hisses from the earpieces.

Scott was taking his internal self out back for a curb stomping right now. "Fuck, sorry, I- ah, man..."

Steve sighed. " _Let's cool it up there, alright? Stay focused. And Vision, you can be snappy with Scott when we're back at HQ, just save it._ "

"No, that was my bad, Cap," Scott said, hoping his face hadn't turned too red in his embarrassment, "I didn't mean to- sorry."

Vision let out a sigh. "It's alright, Mr. Lang. I apologize if I seem hostile. I haven't been on the best footing with the others at headquarters recently, and it's left me a bit... _uncertain_ around those I don't know as well," they said it all without taking their eyes off the Parisian architecture around them, and Scott almost wasn't sure they actually said it.

"You- man, you think I'm judging you or something?" he almost _laughed_ , "Shit, I'm freaking out talking to _you_! You're like... pretty cool, y'know?"

Vision's eyes flickered over to Scott. "I'm... what?"

" _He's right,_ " Wanda murmured.

"I don't know, you just seem like... you know, cool. I'm a total wreck, sorry. You should've seen me when I met Cap- or- Steve, yeah?" Scott laughed, "I shook his hand for like five minutes."

"Understandable. Captain Rogers _is_ quite a specimen."

There was a static laugh from their earpieces. " _Thanks, Vision._ "

" _Oh, is this flirting I hear?_ " Stark's voice came out of nowhere, making Scott jump. " _Wanda, your wife is flirting with my boy toy, make them stop!_ "

"Mr. Stark, may I politely ask that you refrain from listening in on mission communication you aren't part of?" Vision sighed, closing their eyes in annoyance (though Scott couldn't miss the ghost of a fond smirk on their face as they spoke).

" _Yeah, Vizzy, you tell that bitch!_ " Clint chimed in, letting out an enormous _HA!_ Scott couldn't see him, but he knew he'd thrown his head back with the laugh.

" _Did he just call me a bitch?_ " Stark gasped in mock offense. Steve's chuckle buzzed over the line. " _This is ridiculous, FRIDAY kill this clown!_ "

" _I'm afraid I can't do that right now, Mr. Stark-_ "

" _I was kidding, FRIDAY. But you all heard that, right? Clinton Francis Barton... my own son... just called me a bitch._ "

Clint snorted. " _Takes one to know one._ "

Silence hit the comms for a good second, before realization hit Scott. "Clint, did you just... call yourself a bitch?"

" _Tony didn't take the shot_ _, figured I'd say_ it," Clint scoffed, " _I have to do everything in this house. None of you kids help me. When I die, then you'll realize._ "

Stark said something in Spanish that Scott didn't understand, and Clint laughed again. " _I can just see you with the sandal, Clint, you're literally Anna Jarvis reincarnate._ "

Scott saw Vision rubbing the bridge of their nose from next to him. "Mr. Stark..."

" _Alright, alright, don't get your robo-panties in a twist. Just one last thing, I'm doing spaghetti for when you guys get home. Who wants marinara and who wants alfredo?_ " Stark's voice crackled for a second as they went through a small tunnel.

" _Oh, alfredo,_ " Wanda hummed. Her voice was low, like she was trying to actually stay undercover unlike all the other shitty ass spies on this mission. 1/4 good spies ranking.

" _Marinara for me, bitch,_ " Scott could hear Clint slurping a drink out of a straw after he spoke.

" _Alfredo,_ " oh right, Nat's here too. 2/5 good spies.

Cap sighed. " _Can we please focus? We're getting off track. And Scott, Vision, keep an eye out. I know I didn't put you on patrol, but I think Sloane might've moved away from where we thought she'd be. Me and Wanda are gonna get on the next bus tour and head for the Tower. Clint, keep your guard up._ "

"Roger that," Scott said, feeling warm pride in his heart taking orders from Captain America.

" _Rogers that, if you will_ ," Stark said.

Steve sighed. " _Stark..._ " he paused, then, " _I'll take marinara. Now get off the line._ "

" _Kay babe. See you at home. Kisses!_ " Stark made a kissing sound and a second later the distant AC/DC disappeared. It left silence on the comms.

Scott looked up at Vision and saw that they were now hyper aware of their surroundings, yellow eyes flicking around behind the sunglasses. "How long have you and Wanda been together?" he asked after a minute, trying to relieve the tension if nothing else. Scott almost had a heart attack when only one of Vision's eyes looked at him, the other still pointed at the street.

"We're coming up on our second date-iversary in a few weeks," they said. Scott swallowed.

"That's awesome!" he choked through a smile, "I'm so sorry, you don't have to look at me if you're trying to look for Sloane."

Vision's lips quirked up into a second long smile, and Scott was relieved to see their eyes both point in the same direction again. "What about you and Miss VanDyne?"

"Hope?" Scott asked, doing his best 'yikes' face, "Well we're not... I mean-" he stopped when Vision looked over at him curiously, "Uh... she's kind of only _loosely_ in the relationship. Me and Maddie and Paxton haven't like... _officially_ asked her out yet."

" _You should ask her into the relationship. She cares deeply for all three of you_ ," Wanda murmured over the line. Scott felt his face heat up.

"Thanks, Wanda," a question about what _exactly_ Hope had said to her popped into his head, but before he got a chance to ask it, a shock of white hair caught his eye from the street. "Shit... Vision, three o'clock."

"You're pointing at nine."

Scott rolled his eyes and groaned, "Just look where I'm pointing, dude!"

Vision's head swiveled over, and they immediately sat up straighter. "Captain Rogers, we have a visual on Sloane. She's heading down Cour du Commerce-Saint-André, it's a pedestrian only street. Should we pursue?" they asked.

" _Pursue, but try not to make too big of a scene. Minimal damage_ ," Cap responded. Scott got nervous just _hearing_ Steve's 'captain' voice; it was such a big difference from his casual tone, " _Scott, go with them. You take ground. Vision, you take sky. And Scott; we wanna keep it Ant-Man this time, don't go big until you get into an unpopulated or open area._ "

"Gotcha, Cap," Scott confirmed. The bus was stopped at a red light, and he could see Sloane quickly disappearing into the distance of the street perpendicular to them. "Vision, if we're gonna go, we gotta go now."

"I agree. Follow me."

Before Scott knew what was happening, Vision grabbed him by the collar and vaulted over the side of the bus. They landed in a crouch - _very_ superhero - and Scott hit the cobblestone street on his back, letting out a shout of pain. He looked up when several people screamed, and saw people on the street and the passengers of the bus all staring at where they'd landed, gasping in shock and horror.

A second later they were pulling out their phones to take videos, because Vision shot up into the air, hovering for a moment before taking off in the direction they'd seen Sloane walking. They hadn't even bothered to shed their disguise. Scott sighed and stood up to brush himself off, activating his helmet before running in the same direction.

So much for not making a scene.


End file.
